Saturday, November 17, 2007 12:05 a.m.

It's moving.

So I heard I moved my blog...

Update your non-existant bookmarks.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007 09:43 p.m.

This is basically what my days and nights nowadays

(Sqwuib) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! says:
Comrade Pants [Morrowind] says:
(Sqwuib) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! says:
Comrade Pants [Morrowind] says:
Comrade Pants [Morrowind] says:
Comrade Pants [Morrowind] says:
Comrade Pants [Morrowind] says:
Comrade Pants [Morrowind] says:
Comrade Pants [Morrowind] says:
Comrade Pants [Morrowind] says:
Comrade Pants [Morrowind] says:

Thursday, November 1, 2007 08:39 p.m.

The World's Longest Run-On Sentence?

The following is an excerpt of the 50K-word novel I am writing for NaNoWriMo.

However, he realized that this wasn’t the best plan, seeing as though at three in the morning, his parents were probably still sleeping, unless it was a night where Lisa’s insomnia has gotten the better of her, in which case she would probably be in the study reading a book about frogs and their reproductive cycles, which was written by a highly-respected professor who was blind, deaf and mute, so his writing of a book about something he had never spoken of, heard of or seen was something of a miracle in the science circles, but unfortunately led to his untimely demise at the age of forty-five due to the jealousy of one of his former co-workers whose name was Mr. Joe McMaster, who received life in prison for the brutal murder of his mentor, which was achieved by subtly poisoning his delicious supper of freshly-baked pumpkin cob and butter with olive oil and salt for dipping, stewed leg of lamb with tomato, pepper and anchovy salsa, crushed potatoes with mozzarella, cheddar, brie and blue cheese, red wine jus, and for dessert, a mile-high (even though it’s not really a mile-high – that’s just something people say to make you buy their sundae, latte, or steak sandwich with lettuce, bacon, cheese, egg, Turkish bread, onion and caramelized tomato relish and a side of fries and aioli, which is mayonnaise with garlic in it or something) raspberry, cream and chocolate cake, which was created by the most sought after chef in the land, Monsieur Brad Pierre, a French man from Paris, who lived about three miles from the Eiffel Tower and specialised in making delicious pastries for all the rich people who could afford it, because it was a well known fact that he used fresh butter, cream, and only the finest sugar, eggs and fruit from his own personal garden which was contained within the only biosphere in the whole wide world, therefore everything was fresh and three times as tasty as anything that was grown outside the compound, meaning that you could really, honestly, truly taste what a raspberry tasted like when you bought one of his fine, hand-crafted croissants at nine in the morning when the sun was shining brightly and everything felt fresh and good and pure and new unless one was contemplating suicide, in which case they would probably buy one because they figure ‘Hey, I’m not going to be alive for long anyway, I might as well spend my remaining savings on one of these tasty croissants’, but once they take a bite they are suddenly reminded of why they love life so much, but then realize ‘Oh hell, I have no more cash because I just bought this stupid croissant, but on the other hand, the croissant made me realize that life is worth living for’ – Monsieur Brad Pierre has a talent for doing such a thing – making people realize what the value of life is, that is – not blaming himself for buying croissants that cost far too much money, more money than an average Frenchman should have.

Saturday, October 20, 2007 04:27 p.m.

The worst blog entry ever


Don't get me wrong. I haven't even read the last Harry Potter book yet, namely because I don't care much for the series ever since Book 5.


Thursday, October 18, 2007 02:28 a.m.

So this is what I'm posting instead of finishing my accounting draft and by the way, Transformers slash ahead OH BO

I: (P)
Amidoh: (A)

P: no but really, i am really interested to know where this prowl/jazz thing comes from
A: or something
P sends: This Picture. (FUCK YEAH BLASTER)

* Transfer of "a18.jpg" is complete.

P: that pose he's in... it's perfect
A sends: This one.
A: Why I say Screamer gets shared around
P: ohhhh dear XD

* Transfer of "SS_Bee01.jpg" is complete.

A: I'm WORRIED about the 'electricity'
P: accurate depiction of a decepticon orgasm?
A: He has a "wtf" noncon expression on rather than a Deceptigasm look on
A: perhaps Bumblebee has a secret life
P: i am disgusted yet interested at the same time
A: I'm just scared that this is coming out of my brain
P: you know, there are so many people who would maim us so badly
P: our bodies would be mutilated beyond all recognition

Saturday, October 13, 2007 10:50 a.m.

Birthdays? In my lifetime?!

I was born seventeen years ago. Whoop!

Friday, October 12, 2007 02:51 p.m.


What the-

When this was first brought to my attention (yesterday, about 1100 hours, courtesy of Chib), I filled the MSN window with many many swear words. Until I was told (courtesy of BTDO) that it was most likely non-fag!Sonic (ie. during the good ol' Genesis days). I'm still a little angry (maybe?) about this. But then again, I guess it was something that I was waiting for Nintendo to spring on everyone, especially considering the rumours that went around when Melee came out.

So what if they throw Tails in there too?

Tuesday, October 9, 2007 07:56 p.m.

The Formal.

Before the event itself was terrible. After the event is pretty bad too (namely because the whole school looks at the photos and everyone gossips about things that happened).

The formal itself was actually decent (better than the ball by a very very very long run). Maybe because I had a dude with me this time. Perhaps it was also because the people sitting on the table were ALL made of win.

Great. Whatever.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007 01:16 p.m.


Taken from Wikichan:

In Portland, Oregon in 1981, an unheard-of new arcade game appeared in several suburbs, something of a rarity at the time. This game was called "Polybius". The game proved to be incredibly popular, to the point of addiction, and queues formed around the machines, quickly followed by clusters of visits from men in black. Rather than the usual marketing data collected by company visitors to arcade machines, they collected some unknown data, allegedly testing responses to the psychoactive machines. The players themselves suffered from a series of unpleasant side-effects -- amnesia, insomnia, nightmares, night terrors, and suicide appearing as having been caused by the game in various versions of the legend. Some players stopped playing video games, while it is reported that one became an anti-gaming activist.

Here's a download link, if anyone feels like trying it out.

Well, I gave it a shot. The sheer excitement caused me to freak out as it was booting up, but as I was playing it, the first thing that came to mind was 'Why the hell can't my ship rotate like the readme says it can?' In any case, I stopped after about 15 minutes and went downstairs for a glass of water. Then the massive headache hit. Coincidence? I'll be trying it again sometime, that's for sure.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007 10:25 p.m.


The cutest thing that I saw today (and possibly this week) was seeing the word 'Sleeping' on the printer's LCD display. All I get on my printer are the words 'Energy Save Mode'.
This tells you a lot about my current state of mind.

Friday, September 7, 2007 09:48 p.m.

I'm sorry. I was never aware of everything that you had to go through. Now you're gone, and there's a gap. For me, for everyone who knew you. I'm sorry, and I hope you're in a better place now. I'll be thinking of you, your family and your friends.

Rest In Peace.

Thursday, August 30, 2007 08:25 p.m.

It's done!

To everyone who did my legal studies survey: Thank you all so much for helping. It is much appreciated.

Monday, August 27, 2007 05:01 p.m.

The fusion has gone horribly wrong! aka A Review of Hamlet Manga

On Friday while I was waiting for the school captain to finish borrowing a laptop out of the school library for educational purposes, I spotted this.

WHAT. THE. HELL. Ok, if I thought about manga and Shakespeare enough, I guess it would be logical to come to the conclusion that somewhere, out there, someone was likely to put the two together. BUT LIKE THIS? So naturally, I had to borrow it to poke fun at it. Which would be more effective if I could open it and read more than a page without having to close it and breathe deeply.

So. This is Hamlet, a badass play with fucked-up language but a badass storyline. El Grande. Whatever. So the only logical thing to do is set it in the future. 2107, in fact. Because this is manga, and because manga is cool, and futuristic cyber-shit is also cool, the end product is bound to be the EPITOME of cool.
Have a picture of animu-Shakespeare.

The art hit me in the face. The quality of the art looks like that shit also known as Megatokyo or any other weeaboo-style webcomic you care to mention. Not to mention anything coloured (save for the cover) looks like someone used the bucket tool and just filled everything in. Without bothering with shading or anything. It looks so... flat.
Of course because this is manga, they have to make the young male characters BISHOUNEN.

A few more observations:
- This is the reason for all the Hamlet/Horatio slash. [1]
- Ophelia is a whore. You can tell because of the length of her dress.
- This may be strange and all, but I really would have rathered Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (SP?) to be older and have beards and moustaches. Maybe that's just the way I envisioned them to be. As a result, I have an aversion to their manga counterparts.

It's also amusing that the most sexual moment (believe me, Hamlet is full of them) in this manga is not between Hamlet and Ophelia, Claudius and Gertrude or even Hamlet and Horatio. It's between Hamlet and his mother.

(You can tell which reading I'm going to be focusing on in the exam.)

In conclusion... seriously, what the hell?

[1] I don't actually know if there is Hamlet/Horatio slash floating around. I just assumed because a quick gander on FF.Net has a whole bunch of Romeo and Juliet slash. I refuse to search any further.

Friday, August 24, 2007 12:47 a.m.


The new MGS4 bosses.

What can I say? They look fan-fucking-tastic. I would kind of like to know what the hell is with those codenames though, because more than likely, there's some kind of connection with MGS1. Maybe they grabbed a bunch of their remains and said 'HERE, HAVE AN AWESOME CYBORG BODY'. Which wouldn't really make that much sense in Raven's sense, because he got eaten by those birds of his.
BUT A CHARACTER CALLED MAJOR SPOILER - I don't think I'll ever get over how awesome that is.

Bioshock also comes out today, which I am plenty excited about, even though my computer would explode instantly if I ever tried to run it. Apparently it fried some other guy's computer. I'll get it when I get that new PC/laptop. Then I'll go broke buying all those sweet PC games I want, MGS4 and a PS3.

God I love materialism.

Thursday, August 23, 2007 08:56 p.m.

This post is worthy of being ignored

So apparently I was just rejected, romantic-wise.


Wednesday, August 22, 2007 02:06 a.m.


As if this wouldn't happen anyway. But I'm kind of 'coming out of the closet', so to speak, because I'm pretty sure that the Transformers slash fandom is one that is universally disapproved of.

There you go. I dig Transformers slash. AS IF YOU DID NOT SEE THAT COMING, seriously.

Anyway, here, have some logs, from about 3 minutes ago. Not really lulzy so much as me trying to scare him with my current train of thought.

J: hi
A: Hello.
J: how are you?
A: Not bad
J: what are you up to?
A: Nothing much, still on my quest to find Den's heart.
J: den?
A: You forgot who Den was?
A: The demi-god?
J: i don't think you ever told me about someone named den
A: The one who watched the birth of the stars?
J: it's not ringing a bell
J: i don't think you ever told me
A: Den is universal. All know his name.
J: riiight
A: He could crush our world with the palm of his hand, cause typhoons and flooding with a mere breath.
J: mhmm
A: You do not believe me?
J: nope
J: lol
A: Look into the depths of your soul. Concentrate enough and you may see his face.
J: lmao
A: It is impossible not to know Den.
A: Den is All. Den is You. Den is Me.
J: i'm sure he is lmao
A: Well...
A: Should you choose not to believe, you may meet with a rather unfortunate end.
A: I wish you luck on your journey.
A: Den be with you.
J: oh my

A few minutes later, I logged back on as the 'real' Josie.

A: omg did u talk 2 her
J: who?
A: jill
J: who's jill?
A: i jus saw... all dis txt...
A: jill mustve started tlkin...
J: hmm that's weird
A: wat?
J: i thought it was you
A: no...
J: this is josie now right?
A: i dont tlk liek dat...
A: yea..
J: i'm glad you don't talk like that...i was pretty freaked out lol

Dandy, it freaked him out. This spurs my creativity.
As I said before, this isn't really anything particularly funny, just something I felt like doing and posting. Because people have been complaining about my lack of Jordan posts.

Thursday, August 9, 2007 12:56 p.m.

You know you want a PS3 when...

You start measuring the worth of everything in terms of the price of a PS3. In other words, a dandy thousand bucks.
For example, those new colourful Dell laptops? One thousand five hundred and ninety nine dollars? That's a PS3 and a 360 right there. A chairlift for that girl in a wheelchair at my school costs four hundred and seventy five bucks, apparently. That's almost half a PS3.
When I look at the fees for university, I think "Wow, that's about 17 PS3s right there" before I can stop myself.

This may or may not be a problem.

Monday, August 6, 2007 08:02 p.m.

Weeaboo Anger

All images are badly scanned and are probably spoilerific.

You know, I've never quite liked Tokyopop. However, I've never actually been able to put my finger on why I hated them. For example, the conversation I had with Chib on the weekend pretty much went like this:

Me: I don't like Tokyopop.
Chib: Why?
Me: Because they're wapanese?
Chib: And all other translators aren't?
(At that point I think I made a valiant effort to change the subject.)

But since Chib gave me a copy of Saiyuki Reload #7, I found a real reason to hate them.

They turned people into country hicks.

For example, Hazel. He's always struck me as a well-educated and respectable gentleman.

A well-educated and respectable gentleman.
A well-educated and respectable gentleman.
A well-educated and respectable gentleman.

And judging by the links above, I'm fairly sure Minekura, TV Tokyo and Chuang Yi agree. But then you get the Tokyopop translation. Suddenly, Hazel can't be bothered with the extra character in Gato's name. Or any word for that matter.

But Hazel is not the only character who can't speak proper English. Goku also gets an ass-kicking. I guess it's more forgivable with him because he's not really the prim and proper type, but it still gives him a jack-all reason to speak like this. Or this, which is from the Tokyopop version of Gensomaden Saiyuki #7.

Thankfully they did not kill Sanzo, Hakkai, or Gato. Or I would have brought Tokyopop down from the inside.

(Soon after making this post, Comrade Pants was chained to a pole and smacked with paddles.)

Monday, July 30, 2007 01:35 p.m.

Dear You,

It took you that long to pick up on it? Wow, you're more in over your head than I thought.

Saturday, July 28, 2007 09:19 p.m.

Cried Foke

Today is experimental cooking day. I decided that I would try something that my brother had been raving about for a long time: Fried Coke. Apparently it's an American thing.

So I thought, hey, let's give this one a go. Give my blood sugar levels a real kick in their non-existant balls. So I threw some coke and baking paper into a pan (so that the coke wouldn't stick to it):

... And turned the heat on.

I must have waited for about 10 minutes before becoming impatient and wondering why in the hell it wasn't become a sticky, toffee-like substance. And then I remembered: don't you have to put vinegar or something to make it harden? I obviously had not read a recipe beforehand.

Alas, we have no real vinegar in our humble home. The next option was BALSAMIC vinegar, which I hoped would contribute to the sweetness of the coke. So I put a small amount in and hoped for the best. But it started bubbling really badly and looking like some sort of tar monster.


I figured this was normal and stirred it around, and it eventually stuck to my spatula.

It dripped and started to harden, making it look like a Japanese horror movie ghost's hair.

I gave it a taste and... it is possibly the most horrible thing I had ever tasted. It was burnt and tasted like a chemical. So I threw it out.

It's a pity all that coke went to waste. Oh well.

Friday, July 27, 2007 04:25 p.m.


This pretty much sums up my mood today.

Monday, July 23, 2007 03:08 p.m.

This is what I spent my Friday doing

Oldboy fascinates me. The story, the characters, the music. The way it was filmed, the skillful editing, the rare but harsh violence. The twists and turns of the plot. Woo-Jin's creepy smile and the amazing corridor fight scene. I just sat there for the two hours it ran for, marveling at its hold over me. And when I woke up in the morning, it was the first thing that came to my mind.

I think I'll watch it again.

Thursday, July 19, 2007 12:10 p.m.

Doing myself honour.

Holy shit.

VAMP'S BACK! And he looks as bisexual as ever. That trailer will be downloaded when I get home. Mark my words.

EDIT: Oh my god. If I had a cock, I would have a massive massive boner from that trailer. And Raiden is now officially INCREDIBLY badass. I mean, he stabs Vamp. Using a knife that Vamp stabbed him in the foot with. And then he just keeps going.
Trailer needed moar Liquid Ocelot.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007 08:41 p.m.

Oh, that fucker.

The logs pretty much speak for themselves.

J: hey josie
J: i broke up with laura because i love you and i want you back
J: will you please accept me back?
A: u will just hurt me agen
J: i won't i promise
A: dats wat every1 sez
A: dey all break mi heart
J: i mean it josie...i already told skye that i would kill myself if you accepted me back and i hurt you again
A: u talked 2 skye?
J: yea
A: every1 hurts mi...
A: im just a hurtable person...
J: i won't josie i swear
A: well look wat happend 2 laura
A: u sed u luved her
A: wanted to marri her
J: i never said i wanted to marry her...and yea i did love her but i realised that i love you more
A: u did both u idiotz wer gonna marri each other
A: i hav da logs
A: i hv da logs were u told me so
J: ok well even if i did...i still realised that i love you more and i want to be with you
A: i bet u say dis 2 all da gurls, huh
A: and i bet laura dumped u
J: no she didn't...i dumped her because i wanted to be with you
J: and no i don't say this to all girls
A: weres ur proof
A: dat u luv me
A: moar dan u luv laura
J: i don't know...what do you want me to do?
A: i dont no
J: well i don't what you want me to do

Well, looks like I may have to rethink my plan. Fuck, guys.

Monday, July 16, 2007 07:29 a.m.


While being driven to school this morning, I passed this particularly odd billboard. It had a URL on it:

Needless to say, it looks particularly ARG-ish to me. Or am I just a paranoid person who looks for the unusual in everyday life? It's a pretty strange idea, after all. I have no idea why you would make a website to announce the reintroduction of a real estate salesman.

Saturday, July 14, 2007 03:59 p.m.

Seriously, he should just go die.

Some logs from the past two days. No extensive commentary, just a few words and pictures.


A: so howz ur gf
J: she's good...
A: u havin a gud tiem wit her
J: i'm not with her
A: i mean in general
A: duh
J: yea i guess so
A: waz i moar fun
J: yea
A: ur just sayin dat
J: no i'm serious
A: but if she waz ur best frend 4 liek 3 yers
J: she doesn't even want me to show her my dick on cam...that was so much fun and she doesn't want to do it
A: she wud be moar fun
A: hav u eva considered dat fun consists of moar den showin ur dik?!
A: i bet u didnt, huh

A: so y doesnt she want 2 c ur cock
A: is she afriad of it
J: no she just doesn't like doing sexual stuff
A: maybe she is afraid of getting aids
J: well i seriously doubt that because she knows i don't have aids
A: yes but how do u no u dont hav aids
J: cuz i got tested
A: so u suspected u had aids
J: no i was just making sure
A: meaning that u particupate in many activities that invovle the gettin of aids
J: no
A: are u sure u can even get pussy
J: yes

Here's a recap.
J: if your gonna keep talking to me like this i'm gonna block you


A: did i hit a soft spot
A: wats ur problem neway
J: your being a bitch
A: im allowd 2 b liek dis if i hav depressssion

J: she's not just any girl...we've known each other for three years
A: i no dat
A: but da point is u said yes 2 her wen we were still together
J: you live halfway across the world for christ sakes...we would never see each other even if we wanted to
A: dats not what u wud say if we were still togtehr...
A: u wud want to marry me
J: how are we supposed to get married when we live so far apart?
A: exactly
A: u were da one who wanted 2 get married
A: or cant u remember
J: yes i remember but i was just swept up in the moment and i did want to marry you but i knew that there was no way that it could actually happen

I have to admit that I was proud of him. Could he finally be breaking out of the idiot shell? Yes? YES?!


J: i love you josie
A: umm... no u dont
J: yes i do
A: no u dont
A: dat is y u r with another chik
J: i might be with her but i still love you


A: y do u try 2 maek me feel betta
J: cuz i love you and i want you to be ahppy
J: happy**
A: will u stop it
A: u do not luv me
A: dats y ur with sum whore
A: r u dat stupid

I didn't get to see his reaction after that as he went offline.
I really really wish I could let loose and just take every ounce of my anger (and there is so much of it) out on him, but I need to ensure that he doesn't block me before I execute my semi-formed plan. And I mean, if this is a guy that blows up if I imply that he has AIDS (of the face or otherwise), I'm going to have to be incredibly careful.

Friday, July 13, 2007 02:17 p.m.

More than meets the eye. Really.

I haven't had a kid's meal from any fast food chains for years. Not until last Saturday, that is. You see, Red Rooster managed to get its hands on Transformers. As a result, my brother and I are now in possession of Megatron and Bumblebee. However, all those years without kid's meals made me forget just how terrible the toys were.

I was actually kind of excited when I first saw it, because I was under the impression that it could transform.

But then I opened it up and...

What the-

I mean, how do you sit inside yourself? That's a time paradox if I ever saw one. If I had to rate my disappointment on a scale from one to ten, it would have been an eight. Then again, I suppose that the toys have to be cheap. But they do not call them Transformers because they sit inside themselves. They call them Transformers because they TRANSFORM.
I wanted to see if Megatron was any better, but it was even worse.

I think the plastic thing around him is supposed to be ice. I told my brother that if he wanted realistic ice, he should fill the container with water and freeze it. He tried it but all the water leaked out.

That is NOT Megatron

Friday, July 6, 2007 12:20 p.m.

The Beginning of The End

So. Jordan and Josie have split. It started in the wee hours of the morning when I saw this:

Jordan - (8)no matter where we go cuz everybody knows were just a couple animals(8) (L) laura(L)

So I asked him who Laura was. He said it was a friend. So I wondered why the hell I didn't get fancy love heart emoticons around MY name and pressed him about it. To cut things short, he eventually broke down and spilled the beans. Some chick named Laura (more like WHORE-RA, amirite? LOLOLOLOLOL) had asked him out about 20 minutes before I questioned him. So he said yes because he figured she'd be nicer than I was. Lies, I was plenty kind.

What I gathered from the rest of the conversation was that he has known her for about three years and they were apparently best friends at one stage. Also, he wanted to be with her because she was into the whole let's-get-married-because-we're-stupid deal. This has led me to conclude that teenagers are fucking stupid (she's his age). I mean, so you've known her for three years, woo-fucking-hoo. But 20 minutes into the relationship and you guys are already thinking about marriage? Seriously, if 'marriage' were a sword, I would rape them with it. I ended the conversation by telling him that two thirds of marriages ended in divorce.

But when I woke up this morning, I rang Skye up and was informed that Jordan was online. I may not be his girlfriend, but I can still make him writhe. An excerpt (if you can decode 13 year-old speak):

A: u no wat im redy to giv up on life
J: don't josie
A: evrywhere i go, i cant find luv
J: what about john? he seems to really like you...i think he might even love you
A: he's movin overseas
J: oh i'm sorry
J: well your a pretty girl...i'm sure you could find someone to love you
A: no1 evar will...
J: yes josie...somebody will love you i know it
A: shut up
A: ur not mi
A: u dont no watz gonna happen 2 mi
A: all i no is dat uve hurt me so bad n i dunno if ne1 can change it
J: i'm sorry josie
A: stop sayin ur sorri
J: no...i'm sorry josie
A: (U)

For some reason, (U) is what you must type to get a broken heart emoticon.

Anyway, anyone who's ever been involved with the lulz? I'll keep you posted. We are going to burn this fucker so hard, and I've got an idea.

EDIT: Forgot to add that I have not saved the first conversation with Jordan. Which sucks a penis.

Friday, June 29, 2007 04:57 p.m.

I sincerely apologise for not having the logs up yesterday. You see, I saw Transformers but left a shopping bag in the cinema and only realised what I had done when we were at the other side of the shopping center. So I slow-jogged all the way back but by the time I got there, I started feeling sick and my vision went all crazy. I managed to form a cohesive sentence and ask for the bag and staggered back to where my mother was waiting. I got home, threw up, and went to sleep.

SO ANYWAY, here, have logs. A quick summary of the Jordan ones:
I tried to get him to introduce me to his friends. This failed miserably, because for some reason, he does not want me to meet them. He says there's no reason, but I think there's something more. The prick. So I've been trying to uncover the truth.
Cla$$y and I tried to unveil the truth to him, but due to his shitty internet connection, we did not succeed.
I tried to find out what made him annoyed, but he wouldn't tell me. So I grabbed BobTheDarkOne (who masqueraded as John) and introduced him to dear Jordan. Lulz ensued.
Note: Logs include what was being said during the webcam session.
Also: The order of conversation in all the logs may be a little jumbled. Timestamps are quite helpful.

Jordan Logs
Christopher Logs

RIGHT. SO. Transformers! Some spoiler-free thoughts:
- I thought it would be crap. It's actually pretty good.
- Decepticons did 9/11
- Every time there was a robot by itself or a robot destroying stuff or a robot fighting another robot with good music playing in the background I felt like fucking CRYING
- Black people are HILARIOUS
- I kinda regret not playing Sector 7
- I've been meaning to buy the original Transformers cartoon for ages, but never did so. Watching the movie was the final nail in the (reverse?) coffin. Today I went to JB Hi-Fi and bought the complete collection. IT COMES IN A NICE TIN.

Gold Coast tommorow, Stanthorpe on Sunday. I won't freeze to death, hopefully.

Thursday, June 28, 2007 04:37 a.m.

This seems to be a dandy week!

I haven't spoken to Christopher since the last post I made. Until tonight, that is.
To cut an extremely long and confusing story short, Cla$$y and I attempted to reveal our true intentions to Christopher. And we very nearly succeeded. That is, we would have been able to claim 100% victory if Christopher wasn't as fucktarded as he is. This guy... he HAS to be playing with us. He HAS to be. Otherwise all hope is lost. Oh, and what's more, he forgot my name. FORGOT JOSIE'S NAME? Unforgivable! And he still had the nerve to call me his girlfriend.

So now in Christopher's eyes, this is the truth:
- Cla$$ygurl's real name is Scott.
- Josie is a transsexual.
- With no woman parts. In the words of 'Scott', 'the estrogen is still being overflowed by testosterone, so Josie gets muscles instead of breasts.' Plus also she has a penis but no balls.
- Scott is a part of Josie.
- Scott and Josie are 'scarein the crap outa' Christopher.

Incidentally, Christopher did not know that 'Scott' (S) and Josie knew each other. So imagine how kicked in the face Josie was when Christopher revealed that he and 'Scott' had been pretending to have internet sex. (Except he genuinely thought that 'Scott' was a girl, rendering that entire argument redundant.)
You know what? Read for yourself. I improved my grammar to make him feel worse about himself.

C: i did have a good laught wen we pretended to have email sex
A: Except you were pretty serious about it, huh?
A: And besides, have you ever considered Josie's feelings?
A: She thought you were hers and hers alone.
A: That's a damn low thing to do, betraying a girl's trust.
C: well yes and im soz for that
A: Dude, do you really think just saying sorry will cut it?
A: Imagine if I was MARRIED to you (God forbid). I would divorce yo' ass in a second.
C: i still love her
A: Which is why you:
1. Cheated on her;
2. Forgot her name;
3. Forgot her age.
S: It's the internet, there's no such thing as love
S: Oh lawd

Here, have a picture. I'm not sure whether he's better or worse than Jordan. Well, at least his face doesn't make me feel ill. But I swear he looks 8. Well, that would explain a lot.

Top row, middle guy.

Here's the real kicker though: I have his supposed number. The fool still wanted to hook up with Josie despite the fact that she contradicted herself about 221383 times. I'm not spending my precious cash on calling that guy.

Area/Region Code: 01557

Who wishes to call him? Plus later today: Moar Jordan lulz (he's reaching breaking point, folks!) and logs from tonight's gander with Christopher.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007 03:54 p.m.

We did it. WE DID IT!

AT 0243: I have photos, guys. Photos of Jordan A.
How did this momentous occasion come about? Remember the previous entry? Well, to sum it up, Josie apparently said some rather rude things about Cla$$ygurl. Josie gets pissed at Jordan because she thinks he loves Cla$$y more than her. He denies this, and Josie demands proof that he cares about her: pictures. So Jordan fishes his webcam out. It's screencap time for Josie. So this is picture 1:


J: what do you think?

Um. Well. Ok, I laughed. Ok, I didn't laughed. I fucking wheezed. That's how hard I was laughing. His webcam cut out after a while, though...

A: i tought u were not bad
J: relle?
J: out of 10 what would you rate me?


A: -10
J: negative ten?
A: sorry, typo

The good ol' typo card.

J: so what would you rate me?
A: 7 or 8
J: why not ten?


A: john waz hotter

When I told him that, his face froze for about 5 seconds. I'm not sure if it was lag or something, but it was still funny to see his face freeze when he read the sentence above. Picture below.

J: :(
J: can i stop camming now?

I have ruined his self-esteem.

A: no
J: why?
A: i still liek how u look
J: well i got an idea
A: wat idea
J: wanna see mi dick?

People, if I can liken getting pictures of Jordan to landing on the moon, then having him offer to show me his cock is like discovering a whole new planet.
I pressed on.

J: did you see it?
J: you like it?
A: yea
A: its hott =DD

What happened next was a bit weird. Cla$$ygurl and I were still pretending to fight, and when we 'found out' that Jordan had been showing the cock-jerking to both of us, we flew into a rage. So he offered to do anything we wanted. So Cla$$y suggested that we ask him to do more jerking on the webcam.
It worked. Holy shit. And... ok, you know what? If you are brave enough, download the zip file below. I mean... I consider myself to be pretty hardened, but for some reason, this made me feel physically ill.


Bonus: 10 Reasons For Josie to Stay With Jordan And Not Get Back With John (By Jordan)
1. i love you
2. you mean the world to me
3. i can't stand the thought of losing you
4. i'll do whatever you want on webcam
5. i'll go on habbo with you [A/N: This is because I was pressuring him]
6. i love you so much

I pointed out that this was the first one.

J: i can't think of any more but i do love you and i really don't want you to go back with john
A: if you cant tink of 10, u dont no me well enuff
J: :(
J: but i love you
A: so?

Fourteen minutes passed on the lulz-front. I think I must've broken another part of his heart.

A: so?
J: please don't go back with him...i love you josie
A: what about cla$$y? u've got her
J: but i want you too
A: awfully selfish, arent u?
A: well?
J: i don't know what to say josie....i love you and i hope you don't go with him but i guess there's nothing i can do about's ur decision

A couple more things. Thank you Skye, for providing Josie (and Cla$$y) with a pic when Jordan asked for one. Whoever the hell you are, congratulations. You are the faces of Josie and Cla$$ygurl.

One More.

Sunday, June 24, 2007 03:43 a.m.

But I don't wanna...

Last night, Cla$$ygurl and I harassed Jordan. Cla$$ygurl is gradually getting the posts up, complete with commentary, so I'm not going to bother. But hell, here are the full logs, including what Cla$$y and I were saying as we pretended to be who we were not.

Oh yes. NSFW.

The NMH website finally opened too. What a disappointment. Hopefully they'll be adding stuff gradually, like that Smash Bros site.

Friday, June 22, 2007 07:06 p.m.

Back To You, Fool A!

Jordan's back. I knew there was SOME merit in staying up! Anyway, it's another fairly long conversation as I decided to grab Skye and Bob. Skye's 'S'. Bob (aka Bella in this convo) is 'B'. And Jordan is still 'J'. Below are links to logs, as I've done nothing but take out excerpts. All in a single zip file because I am lazy.

Contents of the zip file:
Window 1
Window 2
What was happening while we scarred him for life
Skye kicks this guy's ass

Now, to quote Guilty Gear: HEAVEN OR HELL - LET'S ROCK!

One thing to note about Jordan's spelling and grammar is that he's improved. A lot. It's a bit suspicious, but oh well...

J: how are you hunny?
A: im alrite
A: u?
J: i'm good
J: kinda sad
A: y?
J: well i bought a webcam so you could see me but i can't find it
J: i think my mom might've taken it
A: oh
A: im sori 2 hear it babi
J: i really wanted to let you see me... it isn't fair to you not being able to see me

For those who didn't hear about my last encounter with Jordan which I merely neglected to document, this is basically what happened:

J: my friend never showed up with the camera then i asked him about it and he said he's not gonna let me use his camera so now i have to find someone else with a camera
A: wat n dat took u a week
J: i haven't been to school in a long time
A: waggin
J: what?
A: hav u bin skippin skool or smethin
A: or iz dat jus a crap excuse
J: i've been skipping... i didn't feel too well one day so i stayed home then i just didn't feel like going back
A: uh huh
A: u sure ur not hidin nething frm me
J: yes i'm sure
J: i love you
A: do u even remmemba who i am
J: yes of course i do
A: who am i
A: well
J: your my girlfriend josie
A: how old am i
J: 11?
A: what do i look liek?
J: like a girl

Naturally I was very insulted. So I assume the above was a sort of apology for his asshattish behaviour. But whatever, Josie is forgiving. Or forgetful. Which is why she's going to bring in her friends.

A: jordi babi
A: meet skye n bella
J: hello
A: dey r liek 2 of mi bff
B: omg, hi!!!
S: heya qt
J: hello
S: lol hez so cute... its lyk a babee parrott
J: arent u jordi babi
S: yooh sayd hello 2ice babe
J: aren't i what?
J: a babi parrrott
J: sure... if that's what you want me to be

So I could tell this guy to become a murderer that mutilates and eats the spleens of stillborn babies? SUH-WEET.
Fast forward.

A: so jordi
A: u liek videogaems?
J: yep yep
B: wat kind?
S: my boyf playz WoW... itz lyk so dumb
J: haha my brother plays WoW
B: iz he cute?
J: he's my brother...that's gross


A: u gaiz remember john

For the record, John is Josie's ex. Maybe she still has feelings for him! Don't tell though! Shh!

S: oh yerr
S: he wuz hott but lyk dummm
A: no he wasnt
A: he got liek an a in physics
B: hoo carez if he was dumm, he was soooooo hooooooooottt!!!
A: also he had da best chest evar
A: so warrrrm and muscley
J: umm hunny... can you stop talking about other boys like that
A: y

Mo... rals...?

S: so, Jordan. Please state your name, age and purpose or intent.
J: okie dokie
B: especially your intent with our josie
A: oh u
B: we can't have her off gallavanting with some no good riff raff...
J: jordan clarke...16...and my intent with josie is make her the happiest girl in the world by doing whatever she wants whenever she wants it

*SNORT*. Once again, I direct your attention to the comment on stillborn babies.

S: jordan r yooh 4 reelz?
J: yes
J: i love you josie and i wish i could spend the rest of my life with you
J: will you marry me?

This is what, my second marriage proposal in 3 weeks?

B: um...arent you a little too young to be considering marriage?
A: yea... i dunno if im redy babi
J: ok..when your old enough will you marry me?
A: maYB
A: cant promiz nething
J: ok well i love you and i hope you'll say yes when your ready for marriage cuz i never want to lose you

I love what Bob does here. And if you read the other logs, I love what Skye does too.

B: but don't you live in like, canadia?
J: yes i live in canada
B: yeah, and we live in australia...
A: n im not rich
B: so theres gonna be the possibility that you will not be able to actually meet...?
A: net marrizage?
J: sure...i love you
S: jordan,
S: are you daft?
J: we'll be married over the net until i can save up enough to move to you
B: but where will you live?
B: and what about your parents?
J: i'll find a place to live...and my parents will get over it

I'd hate to be his mother.

A: u tink so?
B: what about your friends?
B: how are you gonna support yourself?
J: yea
J: i'd find a job
A: yea, jordi babi is real smrt, rite?

Backstory. There was this one time that I hopped on MSN and he was basically just being a really arrogant prick. As in, he said he could do everything they taught in his school. Which I called bullshit, of course. More on that later, Bella really smashes Jordan into the ground now.

B: and what about josie's parents?
B: do you want her to be estranged from them just because you decided that it would be great fun to run off and get married?
J: well we wouldn't get married right away...i would meet her parents and they would get to know me and eventually they would let us get married

A) I'm not marrying you. Ever. EVER. In fact, I'm going to make sure you stay in Canadia-land forever. Yeah, keep screwing your moose/meese/mooses/meeses.

B: how can you be sure of that?
J: well...that's what i want to believe
B: i don't know how your parents are but im sure that most parents would not let their daughter run off and get married to some guy she met on the internet when she was thirteen
J: what do you want me to say? cuz anything i say seems to make you mad with me
J: your getting mad at me because i love josie
B: no, i'm not getting mad at you because you say you love josie
B: i am getting mad because because, frankly, i don't think you've really thought this out very well and i do not, under any circumstances, want to see my friend get hurt
J: i would rather die than hurt her


S: suicidl freak
J: i'm not suicidal
B: o rly?
J: it's a figure of speech
B: o rly?
J: yes just means that i would never hurt her
B: i hope so, for your sake
B: because if you hurt josie, i will hunt you down
B: and you'll wish you were dead....

Anyway, Bob apologised after that.

A: i wanna ask u a question bcuz i wanna no just how smrt u r
J: ok
A: dis is mi maths hw
A: if u r smrt, u can solve it properly
A: Each car of a five-car train must be painted a solid color. The only color choices are red, blue, and yellow. If each of these colors must be used for at least one car, in how many ways can this train be painted?

Incidentally, I got this off Yahoo!Answers. If I remember correctly, the answer is 150 or something.
So Jordan knows everything they teach in school, right? Well...

J:oh my
A: u no evrythin they teech in skool, rite?
A: so halp me answer it
J: k hold on a sec
S: or 20....
S: hours
B: haha, he won't do it
B: correction: he can't do it

5 minutes later...

A: jordi babi
A: howz it goin
J: i can't do it

WELL. SO MUCH FOR THAT! I wipe my hands of you, Jordan!

B: perhaps, jordan, you missed a couple of crucial lessons in your scholastic career....or maybe a few crucial years...?
J: not funny
S: au contrare mon ami
A: ok jordi babi
A: i will giv u another of mi hw
J: ok
A: If you throw a dice 6 times, what's the chance that you'd get a six on:
a) exactly one of the throws.
b) one or more of the throws.

TRUE FACT: I cannot remember any of that probability shit. So in the separate convo window with Bob and Skye, we decided that if his answer looked even vaguely correct, we would tell him it was wrong.

J: a) 1 of 6
B: i don't think that's the right answer...
J: and there is more than one answer for b
B: no, pretty sure there's only one answer
A: techer sed there waz onli one
J: i didn't even learn this stuff
J: i was never taught this
B: hmm....well, then, how can you say you know everything they teach in school?
B: pop quiz, hot shot: did you actually turn up to any of your classes?
J: yes i went to all my classes

OBJECTION! Remember that he said that he wagged a whole week because he didn't feel like turning up? God only knows how many times this guy has done so.

B:what grade are you in, jordan?
J: 10
A: hmm... i could figure out my maths question n im in grade 8
B: what subjects do you take, jordan?
J: do you know anything about quadratic equations? how about trigonometry?

More than you probably do, actually. I'm pretty sure 4 years of that stuff has drilled itself into my brain already...

A: yes
B: yeah, we've done those
J: well in the semester that just passed i took gym, english, food and nutrition and history


A: ..
S: good luck getting a job buddy
A: he may be able 2 kill da cows 4 dinna

We pretty much harassed him about the job he claimed to have. We never found out what he actually did. But this followed straight after:

J: oh my
A: o my?
S: zmg blanche....
S: "oh"
S: "oh"
S: "oh"
S: "oh"
S: tiger tiger, drop the bottle top
S: its only a paper moon....

Because the only thing left to do was to quote Streetcar.
Then I was eating peanuts, and thought, I can 'accidentally' mispell it. To penis.

A: well, dese penises r rly salty
J: ?
A: taste good 2
B: it's not the penises themselves, it's the semen and sperm that taste salty
J: and how do you know that?
A: from suckin boyz off
A: duh

A bit too late for a save, but oh well. Anything to mess with this guy's head.

A: oh wow, did i say penises up there
A: i meant peanuts
J: so you really suck boys off?
J: do you?
A: it's only a sometimes thing, babi
J: and you let them cum in your mouth?
A: that's da best part
J: and what else do they do?
A: i bet ud luv 2 no, huh
J: tell me
A: gettin off much?

Fucking perv. This is the same guy who had that wet dream about Josie, remember?

J: anyway... i have to go for my exam
A: dnt i get a i luv u
A: or a kiss
A: or hateva
J: bye you
A: no BJs, no time
J: bye

When will this guy realise that all Josie brings is a lot of heart-trampling? But that is fine too.

Friday, June 22, 2007 12:29 p.m.

Ho More Neroes

0 Days! But alas, I cannot open it as the school computers do not have Flash. And I left the installer at home.

Lulz tonight.

EDIT (1630): I'm home now and WHAT THE SHIT? It says 0 days, but I can't get into the website? Man, FUCK YOU JAPAN!

Note 2: Motivational Posters. A bunch of them. Right here.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007 04:55 p.m.

The Resonance Theory

So lately I've been browsing the Unexplained Mysteries forum. For a scare, I guess. But then a particular topic caught my eye, one about Doppelgangers, which are a person's double. So I started reading the thread and one person posted a link to a fascinating article about the Resonance Theory. I quote below:

Have you ever been sort of walking along, just being “you”, feeling perfectly “normal” and then, for no reason at all, you suddenly feel absolutely FANTASTIC! Nothing has changed in your current experience but your mood has suddenly been drastically altered. Likewise you might suddenly feel absolutely horrible, for no reason at all. Or you will have a very near fatal accident, in an automobile or perhaps a fall. These are all resonant effects of events which are happening to “you” along another specific radial within your frequency. You feel fantastic! Something incredibly wonderful has just happened to you along another radial of consciousness and the feeling resonates out over your entire frequency. Of course as it moves, the effect lessens over perceived time and distance. In one life experience you may have a fatal injury. You are dead! In another experience you simply have a very close call and in yet another experience you suddenly come down with a severe headache, or a bad case of the flu. These “feeling events” are also cued into time/date stamps. You die in one life at age 17. In this life at age 17 you break a leg. You are abandoned as a young child in one life. In this experience your parents get divorced when you are the exact same age as in the alternative life. And so it goes. Every thing that happens to you, every significant feeling you get is to a greater or lessor degree stimulated by “you” experiencing yourself in an alternate reality. And, you may ask, “Where does it start? And where does it end?”

This is called The Resonance Theory of Simultaneous Existence. We occupy our consciousness--all at once. What happens in one life experience resonates across all frequencies and influences all other life experiences.

Two days. I want it to be now.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007 08:13 p.m.

Lulz of a different variety.

On Sunday, brother and I were home alone. And when the parents are out, I usually get bored and cook. So I cooked. But I cook like crap. This documents how much I suck at cooking.

For absolutely no reason at all, I began craving hash browns. I had no clue if we had potatos or not, but if we did, I would make experimental hash browns. I mean, I've never made hash browns before.

Turns out we had potatos. I grabbed one and washed it before grating it. Grating potatos is one of the messiest things on earth. And I didn't know that potatos had such a high water content. Or potato juice content. Whatever. It was kind of red and murky (no pics, didn't have the camera at this point) and quite frankly, disturbing.

So then I threw some oil and the damp, grated potato into the pan.

This kind of posed a problem because I was always under the impression that one had to make the grated potato stick together. I considered using egg for a while but didn't want to risk eating potato omelettes. Not that I have anything against omelettes. I just wanted freaking hash browns. But I persevered and got them to flip. They broke apart, but eh.

So they actually turned out rather ok. After I chucked about 2 tablespoons of salt on them. And they were still slightly gluey. But considering it was the first time I had ever made hash browns, I think I did rather well.

The ultimate kidney-buster: Spam and Salted Hash Browns.

Then I thought, hey! I can do something with that apple that's been sitting in our fridge for ages. So... APPLE FRITTERS! I was going to cut the apple into rings but then...


So I decided to cut them into chunks and dip them in batter and fry them. Except I don't know how to make batter. So I just did my standard thing, throw some flour, milk and some other random ingredients into a bowl and mix it.

But then I realised that I didn't have enough batter to cover the apple pieces completely. So I threw up my hands in frustration and chucked a random amount of flour, milk, etc. into a shaker and, well, shook it. The batter was waaay thicker than I expected, but I didn't care. So I put the mixture into the pan and...

Seriously, what the fuck is this

I let the pan do its thing and turned it over after a while. It pretty much just looked like apples covered in pancake batter.

But HELL, it tasted good. Brother and I had it with ice cream.

But then we felt sick afterwards.

BONUS: What I made for lunch when I was home alone during exam block.

Mum was out. I wasn't studying, so I went down and raided the pantry for ingredients to make a tasty dough something-or-other.

Yeah, so I put cheese in the dough. What?

So that dough was looking fine and dandy, but it sure as hell wasn't going to fill me up. Not when there was a day of studying ahead. So I decided to make a salsa thing to go with it. Made of tomato, corn, olives and sweet chilli sauce.


It didn't actually taste that bad, but by bite eight I was feeling horribly sick and full. It's the salsa. I shouldn't have fried it with sweet chilli sauce.

Incidentally, I got an A for that legal exam. My cooking makes miracles happen!

Saturday, June 16, 2007 11:47 a.m.


The No More Heroes website opens in SIX DAYS. SIX. FUCKING. DAYS.
I am excited. God, I just screamed for about 2 minutes. I AM SO EXCITED. Even more excited than I was about the SSBB site.

Another note about NMH. Suda51 said he would make it more violent than Manhunt. This means Australia could potentially ban it here. THEY HAD BETTER NOT. And if I somehow manage to buy a copy and for some strange reason there happens to be a sex minigame between Travis and Sylvia or whatever, I REFUSE TO RETURN IT. I will digest it. YOU WILL HAVE TO WADE THROUGH MY BODILY FLUIDS TO GET TO IT, OFLC!

And I happen to be basing my Legal assignment around the OFLC and its law concerning the classfication and banning of videogames.

Saturday, June 9, 2007 10:45 p.m.


Righto, so currently talking to Christopher. And lookie here...

A: so how waz ur day
C: shite till u came on
A: wat did u do
C: nought exept nearly endin my life

Fact: He actually seems like a pretty depressed dude. Whether he actually did try to end his life or not is questionable, and as Chib pointed out, most people who try to kill themselves don't say anything about it, but I for one don't want any suicidal/dead guys on my hands.

So people, I'm abandoning ship on the Christopher thing. Only problem is, I don't know how without blowing my cover as Josie. Right now I've come up with two scenarios:

1. Get some stupid bimbo from Habbo to hook up with him
2. Tell him Josie is moving to Africa or somewhere without internet and that it would be better for us to break up

Help me out here. Come on. You guys are creative.

Friday, June 8, 2007 06:54 p.m.


So. About an hour ago, while on Habbo, I met a nice boy. So I added him to MSN. Guess what his name is?

JORDAN. I KID YOU NOT. The same Jordan? Unlikely. Because there is no way that anyone could be fucking stupid enough to not realise that this is someone who you have added before. Then again, this is Jordan we speak of. So anyway, here's a pic of the poor fool who has now gone offline because Josie told him she screws dogs.


Friday, June 8, 2007 05:54 p.m.

The Habbo Documentary - Part 1

Yesterday when I SHOULD have been studying for Legal, I got on Habbo in order to find more boyfriends for Josie. And from doing so, I have learnt a few things. Probably VERY NSFW.

For one, these are the kinds of people that live on that site.

So there was a guy who was in that same room shouting that he was horny and wanted some cybersex. So, Josie steps up to the challenge...

Oh, I should mention that Habbo has shitty wordfilters. So when I tried to type 'horny', it was filtered to read 'bobba'. I mean, WHAT THE HELL? BOBBA? Likewise, if you spell 'horny' as 'horni', it wordfilters it. However, this can easily be bypassed by adding another 'I' to the end of 'horni'. That spells 'hornii'. Maybe the Habbo Mods thought that no-one was fucktarded enough to spell it that way.

This guy is a pushy bastard. He annoyed me. So I told him he was boring.

And then I decided, hey! I can lighten this up a little... by pretending I have a PENIS.

I was stunned. He likes man-organs? Or maybe he's just so horny that cock would do just fine. Either one. But I hit him again, just in case. (And yes, penis was a wordfiltered word, hence the double E's.)

A third time couldn't be wrong.

After that, he left abruptly. Did he have to read the same word three times before realising what it meant or something? But anyway, I was eager to continue harassing him.

Me: whred u go babi?
Evan: nno dxcks for me!
Me: y not?
we had smethin rly speshul
Evan: i want something to fxckk
Me: wat if i pretended i waz a chik
Evan: but i need somewhere to fxck
Me: dun b such a wuss

So he ended up leaving.

Then after a while I met a 'cool dude' named Acedarksteel. Yes, he has the moves.

Anyway, we ended up cybering. If you consider the following cybering.

And then he had the nerve to ask me:

I dumped him. Here's a pic of this so-called 'cool dude'.

And oh yes, a couple of creepy coincedences?

Thursday, June 7, 2007 12:41 p.m.

Christopher - Round Three

So at the end of last entry's conversation, I asked Christopher for a photo. Except somehow, I managed to phrase in a way that made him think I was going to give him a picture of Josie.

A: so do u hav da pic?
C: one sec
C: were
A: huh
C: did u send it to my email adress
A: no!
A: im askin u if u hav a pic of urself 2 giv me!!!!
C: no but ill get one on sunday cause im gettin a phone
A: but i wont mind the other pic of u
A: da one in hiskool
C: ok but ill have it on tomorrow
A: o
A: email it 2 me, ok babi
C: ok babe

I'm still waiting for said picture. In fact, I told him that I would be on MSN in the morning (late at night for him) so he could talk to me and stuff. He's not online! I want my pic!

C: wat u up to
A: o nuffin much
A: just lookin at shoez

Incidentally, this is Josie's DP.

C: go for the pink ones
A: y?
C: hehehe they probaly sute u

Well, for a start, they are made of chocolate. Second of all, anyone who knows me well knows that unlike most women, I despise shoes.

A: wat u up 2 2day
C: on imvu talkin to a 32 yr old woman

Also, WHY would a 32 year-old woman have an imvu?! I thought people of that age had more common sense.

C: dont worry shes married
A: y?
C: just bord and she iz nice
A: o so ur board wit me
C: no
C: i lve u

I'm not sure if he's noticed that I haven't responded with an 'I love you too' yet.

C: i now ill come and c u wen i get a holiday and ill c u


A: i dunno
A: were will u stay
C: at a b&b
A: wats dat?
C: hotle
A: dere arent any were i am

I made it my mission to discourage him from coming anywhere near Australia. So I hinted to him that he would be broke within 5 minutes of getting here.

A: ud spend alot of moniez on taxiz
C: so ill b gettin payed from the army
A: r u in da army
C: in 14 weeks
A: im a pacifist

You all know that is a horrible, horrible lie.
Chib pointed out that 'pacifist' is too complex a word for Josie to use. She is correct.

A: n bsides
A: if u go 2 da army
A: u wouldnt get to come to oz
C: yes i will they go every were and on holiday ill get a summer house so i can come and c u
A: i dun think da army givs dat much $
C: they pay for every thing
A: not 2 c ur gf
A: who livs in nother countri

It took him a while to reply. I think I crushed his dream for a while.

C: they will not now i come and use my own cash i will have enought and if u ever want get away u could cum and see me in the uk and ill cun=m and fech u and buy ur tiket
A: da uk is cold
C: no its not in the summer its 25 degrees
A: cold comparez to aus
A: in aus it almost 40
C: ill have the heatin on if u like

Oh, you crazy Scots.
Ok, the next segment... haha, it's kind of embarassing for me. But anyone who knows me knows that I do not know JACK about geography. As in, I seriously though Bangkok was in China.

A: so ur goin to uk
C: i live in the uk
A: u said u lived in scotland.
C: yes wats in the uk
A: oh ok
A: disregard that, i suck cocks

HAHA! Obviously, this guy has never heard of that infamous phrase.

A: i hav 2 go now sweeti
A: bedtime
C: nightnight
C: lul

God, I swear no one says that. So I made up my own.

A: lmlt
C: wat

It stands for 'love me lots too'.

How long till round 4? I'm not sure, but this guy is such a simple, weak-minded fool (lol Metal Gear) that I'm starting to get bored. I'll probably get on Habbo sometime after exams and net moar lulz.

Thursday, June 7, 2007 11:48 a.m.


Jordan, Jordan, Jordan. I want those promised photos. It's been more than a week since I sent my first angry (not to mention moronic) email, and you still haven't bothered to reply. What's up? Don't you like Josie anymore? :(

So this here is the first email I sent him (WARNING: Will reduce your IQ to a negative number.).

'darlin jordie babi
i miss u so mucg how com u r neva online when im on n i miss u sossosososososososososos much im so lonely i wish u wer hear wit me
but jordie sweeti its bin a day n i still hvnet receeieved ur pix im wonderin if u r gnna giv dem 2 mi or nt bcuz i rly wnna c wat u look liek
jordie babi i trustedd u n now im rly sad :( u promised U PROMISADED me da pix!!!!!!!!!!! jordie i dun want nem ore excusez so get mi da pix now plz :( :( :( :('

And still nothing. I think he's realised that he's got a real psycho bitch on his hands. So last night, I sent him this one after reading that Kitty had, in fact, spoken to him. And scared him shitless. ( Linkage FGJ)

'jordi babi i miss u i miss ur warm armz and kizzes
BUT JORDI BABI WER R MY PIX? if u dont get dem to me ill brek up wit u
so u beta get dem 2 me
love josi'

But anyway, back to Christopher, who I talked to last night, while supposedly studying accounting. And note, MSN was a bitch last night and didn't save the second half of my chatlog with him. Cutting out the boring crap, of course.

A: so wat u bin up 2?
C: nout
A: not veri intresting
C: so i busy
C: i been watin 4 u to be on line

And so have I, trust me.

A: aww how sweet
A: wat time is it dere
C: 1025 in the mornin
C: over there
A: 7.25pm
C: lucky u love u

How does the time being 7.25pm make me lucky? If someone can tell me, they win a prize. The prize... OF MY LOVE.

A: i luv me?
C: no i love u


A: aww
C: well ur probably cute
A: wat maeks u think dat?
C: i can see it in the rightin

HAH. That's kind of what Jordan said!
So we can safely say that acting like a pushy bitch and not being able to spell properly will equal many man-friends.

C: do u now wat lul means
A: if u meen lol den yes
C: no lul it means love u loads

I have NEVER, in my entire time on the internets, heard that one before.

A: so tell mi bout skool
C: i left cause it was shite

We have a dropout on our hands, kids!
This would also explain why he is such an ass. And apparently he works in a Scottish fish and chip shop.

And alas, that was all I saved. But I can tell you that we proceeded to play Minesweeper Flags and I absolutely slaughtered him. The second game? He did better, but I still came out on top, 26-14. And the last round was lulzy, where I scored 20-0. He closed the window before I could declare victory.

And yesterday... round three occurred.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007 05:08 p.m.

I sold you and you sold me

After my IPT exam, which ended at about 10.30, mum and I went to a dandy little cafe for some lunch. Halfway through, this lady comes and sits near us and after a while, so does her boyfriend/husband/significant other of some description. I stole a couple of glances, because heck, they were making out. What was creepy was that they looked like Winston and Julia from the movie version of 1984. No lies. If Julia was hotter and had a French accent, she would be the lady I saw in the cafe. If Winston had thicker hair, he would be the guy I saw.

And here's that picture of the snake reflection in my bag at the Ball.

Lulz tommorow. Promise.

Sunday, June 3, 2007 07:24 p.m.

The lulz must go on.

Was feelin' a little bored last night. So instead of doing maths, I hopped on MSN and started a convo with Sqwuib, one of Chib's pals. He fed me the email address of a guy named Christopher, who thinks Sqwuib is a chick and gave him his number. When you read further, you will realise that this guy is desperate for a lady-friend.

But I swear, he is dumber than Jordan. Unless he is also playing with me. Which once again, I hope is true. I'm A, he's C.

Ok Josie. Time to cheat on Jordan.

C: hi
A: omg hiiii!!!
C: who r u
A: mi nmaes josi
C: ?
A: josie
C: how do u know me

I have learnt something from my friends who get added by randoms. All these randoms claim to get their addresses from MSN, which is creepy.

A: got ur email from msn!!!
C: wen
A: jus den
C: wat on habbo

Apparently Habbo and MSN are the same thing. But thank you, Christopher. You've just given me an easy avenue out.

A: yep
C: say in wat
A: i jus got ur mail n i wnna chat :(
C: ok

All I have to do is make a sad face and he's hooked.

A: asl?
C: so wat u ben up to
A: nuttin much
A: u?
C: just lookin 4 a girl friend

Fast little bugger, ain't he?

A: orly?
A: well asl?
C: wat that mean
A: age sexx lokation
C: im 16 male boy and i live in scotland

REDUNDANCY! If you're male, of course you'd be a boy at some stage of your life. Likewise, if you're a boy, of course you're male!
It's sounds like a Phoenix Wright kind of thing to say in court. REDUNDANCY

A: ooh wow
C: wat about u
A: im 13 f aus
C: cool
A: so wat u in2?
C: mountin bikein swimmin and talkin to u

I guess that's the latest pick-up line. Try it on your love interest, kids!

A: aww u so swet
A: wut movfies u in2?
C: horror
A: o yea? lyke wut?

It's kinda sad because if this guy could spell properly and wasn't such a simpleton, we'd probably get on quite well.

C: i live to please
A: is dat a movfie?

Because I'm pretty sure it isn't.

C: resedent evil and texis chainsaw masicure
A: o wow dose scarrrrrred mi

Are you kidding? Resident Evil was a terrible film. Sure, Jill and Alice were hot and the scene with the slicing-n'-dicing lasers was cool, but...
Needless to say, I'll be seeing the new one when it comes out.
And I've never seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but I'm pretty sure being chased by Ed Gein + every other messed-up serial killer (except for John Wayne Gacy) ever would be terrifying.

A: wuld u protekt me?
C: yes
A: how?
C: ill let the zombies follow me and the man in texis will chase me
A: all4 mi?
C: yes
A: aw
C: (l)

In short, this guy is going to be dead a thousand times over.

A: u r so sweet hunny
C: i like to protect my girlfriends
C: xx
A: o so u hav moar than 1
C: (no) have u got bebo or do u have that in astrailia

This was then followed by around 70 X's, which had me puzzled until I realised that the X's stood for kisses.
But OH GOD NOT BEBO. He gave me an idea though.

A: wats bebo?
C: bring up a fresh internet page and put

Hell if I'm wasting bandwidth on that crap. I took the easy way out.

A: im not gettin nething
A: i dont think aus allows bebo
C: have u any pictures of u?

What's with guys and pictures?!

A: no sori
A: cams brken
C: wat r u ie goth or chav

The way he said it seemed like there were only two cliques to choose from.

A: wats goth?
C: a person who weres black and beleves in saitin (devil)

Oh, I am SO RELIEVED you clarified that for me. I never knew there was a deity known as 'Saitin'!
Seriously though, is this guy close-minded or what? All because you're goth does NOT mean you worship 'Saitin'. It's kind of like all because you play Tekken does not necessarily mean you know how to do a tech roll.

A: wats chav
C: who likes dance music

Which once again, is completely fucking stupid because EVERYONE has at least one song that fits into the dance genre that they like. Everyone.
I kind of lost my cool at him at that point but managed to jam it into a sentence.

A: every1 lykes dancemusik
C: no wat music do u like
A: pop
C: then do u like rhania umbrela
A: whosat
C: oh spelt wrong rihannas song umbrella A: whosat
C: have u got you tube
A: aus band it

Once again, I was NOT going to waste precious bandwidth on any rubbish music videos.

C: oh can u watch any web sites wat let u listen and watch music videos
A: wats a website
C: wt u call it in wereu live the internet

Monica said I was probably overdoing it. She's right, but this guy didn't pick up on it. So as far as I knew, I was still in the green zone.
So I tried to invite Em, but trying to add her killed MSN.
Skipping the next part. More 'wats a intrenet' bull.

A: u in2 vidoegaemz?
C: yes
A: liek wat?
C: horror
A: liek wta
C: resedent evil

If you like it so much, at least learn how to SPELL it correctly.

A: nething else
C: sk8t bourdin
A: i ply videogaemz t2
C: wat kind
A: barbie hoarse magik

I can tell you that I had that one up my sleeve for a while. I might pull it on 'Jordi babi' too.

C: not my cup o t

I would be worried if it was, son. Kinda like Jordan liking The Notebook.

A: y not
A: u shud play
A: it is so much fun
A: u can dress ur hoarse
A: and ride it

Nothing suss.

C: i think its 4 girls
A: no
A: my boyfrend lieks it


C: u have a boy friend

You can almost hear his heart snap in two.

A: did i sya boyfriend
C: yes
A: i meant girflfriend
A: we ca;; her a boi bcuz shes so lesbo
A: shes so preti tho
C: u shouldnt call her that
A: but were goin out C: lesbos r good friends
A: r u a homophobe
A: i h8 homefobes
C: no my foster sister is 1

A homophobe or a lesbian?
English still fresh on my mind, I tried my best to remember that retarded quote from

A: but i forgive you anyway. i forgive you because i know you'd never get anything nasty caught in your head!
A: so gnight mi swet prince
A: i must leeave
C: ok
C: xxxx

Better or worse than Jordan? I'd have to go with the latter. Although it should be noted that last night I logged on while watching Kill Bill (read: 11.30pm) and I received a message from him saying that he had discovered my IMVU page. What the shit?! I'm pretty sure Josie doesn't have an IMVU. Unless you guys are up to something.

However, this next segment (from Sqwuib's chatlog with the fool) is made of win and gold. NOTHING beats it. Don't even bother trying. (Squwib's 'Cla$$ygurl'.)

christopher says: its happened to me
Cla$$ygurl says: really?
Cla$$ygurl says: you were typing... something wrong?
christopher says: yes they said my sister just died and i had to travil 45 miles to my sisters house got there in tears and emma ( my Sis)opened the door and i calapesed
christopher says: no
Cla$$ygurl says: that is cruel
Cla$$ygurl says: they should have at least had a banner

Encyclopedia Dramatica is back!

Thursday, May 31, 2007 08:26 p.m.

I'm Sorry. You don't deserve what happened. It should have never happened to you.
You'll be in my thoughts and heart.

Monday, May 28, 2007 03:21 a.m.

TL;DR - Part 3

Alright. More whiny assbitchfaceness. If you haven't read the second post, scroll down and down and down.

Well, it's three in the morning. Before when I was editing the script for part 2 of the Canadia saga (It shall be known as this from now on, or TL;DR. Whichever.), I logged onto Josie's email account and saw that, GASP, Jordan was online! Naturally, I had to speak to him and emulate a whiny girl. (Once again, I'm 'A'. He's 'J'.)
WARNING: This is pretty NSFW. Just like the rest of my blog, then.

A: hey babiiii!
A: u there?
A: babi?
A: u there?

Approximately 20 minutes later, he appeared.

J: hey hunny
A: yd u take so long to reply
J: i was sleeping
A: u shuldve been away
J: i wasn't even at the computer
A: not online
J: i'm sorry

YES, YOU SHOULD BE. How dare you make a bitchy little shit like Josie upset?!

A: how did u sleep
J: good
J: how was the party?
A: dreem of me?
A: it was SO FUn
J: kool
J: do anything with any boys?

Haha. Love tapping into that insecurity.

A: no
A: dreem of me?
J: of course i did

Bullshit, I call this bluff. I have know this guy for 3 hours and he's already dreaming of me? It's either a bluff or... OH GOD WHAT IF HE'S FOR REAL

A: wat happend?
J: in the dream?
A: yea

He took a while to type the next part.

J: i was at the party with you and we were dancing then the party was over so i brought you home and you told me to come in and told me that your parents weren't home then we went to your room and sat down on your bed and started kissing

But no! Josie is actually good and sweet and innocent and kind! And good.

A: i dun rly do nething on the first date
J: it was just a dream
A: in case u wer gettin the rong idea
A: doez the drem continue?
J: well you wouldn't like how it ends

I am taking bets as to how it ends. There's $5 on 'Nothing Happens'.

A: teell mi
J: we end up having sex

I would've laughed if I could. But I couldn't, so I typed this unintelligent reply into my convo with Chib:

A: did u lyke it?
J: i loved it


A: wut did i do?
J: what do you mean?
A: in da dreem
J: danced with me at the party...then you showed me the way to your house...then you brought me into your house and into your room and kissed me and had sex with me

Well, DUH. Even Josie knew that. But I made the next two lines even more moronic than usual to reflect irony.

A: i no dat
A: imm not stupdi
J: lol
J: i know your not stupid
A: wut else did i do
J: nothing
A: oh
A: unexiting
A: ugot no detailz
J: you want details of the sex?
A: ya :$

Josie's actually a $10 whore.

J: well we were kissing and it was getting more and more passionate then we started taking our clothes off
J: then you layed down and spread your legs and told me to fuck you
J: so i got on top of you and slid my dick inside of you and fucked you

HAHA. This guy could write for Mills & Boon! He's the ultimate hilarity.
No seriously though, I could write something better than that with both my arms amputated. While in a comatose state. But I'll humour you, Jordan.

A: wow.
J: what?
A: sounds... hott...
J: :)
J: i love you
A: :$

While I was at it, I decided to ask for those pictures. After all, it is technically 'tommorow'.

A: so u got dose pix yet?
J: no not yet
J: i'm waiting for my friend to come here with his camera
A: wat time willl dat b
J: i'm not too sure

Monday, May 28, 2007 02:35 a.m.

TL;DR - Part Two

Let's cut to the chase, shall we? He was online this afternoon. I do not have the first part of the convo as I was using the shitty MSN client (just so I could remain on my actual account as well as pretend I was 13 till no tommorow) and accidentally closed everything. No siree, the old MSN clients do not save conversations! Future note.

So I pretty much asked him what he was up to and he did the same. I told him I was talking to a couple of other friends on MSN and being a demanding little asshat, he told me to add them to the conversation. Only one problem...

This, boys and girls, is called a lie.

So I called on three good pals o' mine. Who would act 13, of course. And they were:
Chibit - Steph (C)
Kitty - Laura (K)
M - Arevoki (M)
(And for the rest of this entry, I'll go by the letter 'A'. For obvious reasons. And Jordan's still 'J'.)

Needless to say, it was a long, LONG conversation. As a result, I'm not going to be posting the entire thing here. But here are download links, if anyone wants full lulz.

Log 1 (text file)
Log 2 (word document)
Log 3 (word document

So, highlights time! Let's start this off. Initially, it was only Kitty and Chib.

C: so is dis the spunkie guy u woz tellin us bout?
K: r u hot like my dp?
A: yeha :)
J: spunkie guy?

I swear this guy is the most clueless dude I have ever met.

A: were gonna get married!!!!!
K: ooooh (L)
C: aw dats so cute
J: me and you josie?

Who else? Me and Chib?

C: cn i be bridesmaid?
A: yes!!!!!
J: sweet
A: u kool wit dat, sweetie?
J: of course hun
K: lol
C: aw so cute
C: i wish i had a hawt boyf liek him!!!!!!!!!111

To tell the truth, I'd rather have someone with brains than with looks.

C: aw wher did u find this guy!
A: habbo hotel, friend
A: u shold lyke totally join
J: :)
C: oh whuts dat
A: its lyke
K: some hotel in paris?
K: =P
A: tht place
A: wher
A: lol no
K: T_T
C: lolz
A: this site were u can chat to ppl
C: o wow

Get ready. This just had to happen.

K: o rly?!

Jordan pulled a C-C-COMBO BREAKER. Bastard.
The next part is missing because of my incompetence and because no one has the log. So Monica kindly sent me the conversation from when she busted in. Not long after her entry, Jordan said...

J: everyone add me

That's no way to treat your girlfriend! Immediately ask all her friends to add you! I'm onto you, Jordan. You cheating skank. Of course, Josie does not take kindly to this treatment.

A: u tryin to hit on mi frends?! :(
J: no
C: =(
J: i would never do that
K: <_<
J: i'm just trying to make friends with them...nothing more


C: so y do u luv josie jorden
K: lulz
C: miss smith is such a bitch
K: T_T
M: yea ==
J: because she's the most amazing girl i've ever met

Oh, uh, really? Well, I know which card to pull when I meet guys now: The "Act 13" Card!

C: wow rly
J: that's why i love her
J: yes really


M: o rly?
J: i love you josie

Anyway, it was time to pretend to be lesbians again.

K: i wish I had a gal like josie... T_T
C: aw dat sux
J: sorry girls
C: yeah we all luv jose
C: shes awsum
K: =P
M: yep
K: glomp6
C: liek when we have sleepovers
C: shes always da most fun

The Lesbian+Canada convo ended after a while with this sudden outburst:

J: josie
A: yea?
J: i love you

I didn't want to say anything. Thankfully, Chib, Kitty and Monica came to my rescue.

K: =P
K: -love-
M: awwwwwww
C: aw so cute
C: acktually jose we miht take him 4 uourselvvz if he keepz being so kute
J: no you won't...i only want josie

You want a retarded, whiny 13 year-old bitchface?
Anyway, I had completely forgotten about the most important issue: pictures. Of him that is.

C: du yu have pix?
M: ya show us pix!!!!
M: i <3 pix!!!
K: fotoooo~
J: no i don't have any pics
C: y not
A: :(
A: im upset
J: i don't own a camera
J: what's wrong hun?
A: i wanna c u

I love what Chib did here. Recall his words from the last entry, when he told me to get a camera or borrow a friend's.

C: why dont u get a camera
J: i'm sorry
C: or borrow a frienz
K: =P
M: how do we know if u r hot enough 4 josie then?
C: ya
J: i'll try to get one

Bullshit you will.

C: so there is no pix of u anywher??
J: no

Now, around this time, Chib did a google on his email ad and dug up a Myspace-esque profile. Is this the real 'Jordan?' We tried to figure out which one he was but gave up after a while.
After some mindless chatter, the matter was pressed again.

C: why do u think u are good 4 josie
M: ya tell us
M: there's no pix
M: how we know u r perfect 4 her
C: n u wont tell us anythink bout urself
C: so how do we know?
J: ok well i'll tell you what i look like first
J: i'm five foot six, 120 pounds, short brown hair and brown eyes
J: just turned 16

Once again, ladies and gentlemen, recall the previous chatlog. Jordan clearly stated he was THIRTEEN. Josie's not gonna let this slip.

A: u told me u wer 13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
J: no i didn't
A: yes u did!
M: :-O
A: i remember!!
M: josie show him ur log1!!
J: why would i lie about my age
M: proof!!!

I swear to God I felt like I was in Phoenix Wright. I even put the OST on.

C: you could be 30 years odl
C: and u wont even show a pic
C: so we cant tell
J: i'm not 30 years old
C: how can we knwo
J: i'm 16
A: but u told me u were 13
A: look dis is wat u sed: 13 male canada
J: no i didn't
A: u did
A: i hav it rite here in dis log!
J: well then it was an accident

Smooth. REAL smooth.
Insert whining here.

A: i trusted u :(
J: i wouldn't lie to you
C: dats low man
J: it was an accident
M: you did!!!
M: u just lied to her!
M: josie u can get a better man than him
M: even ur ex is better than him
A: u mean john?
J: please stop this...i love you josie
J: i'll do anything to make it up to you
C: anything?
J: anything

Take a wild stab at what I'm going to ask him for. Go on!

A: pictures
J: i'll have some by tomorrow
M: promise?
J: promise
C: u better not hurt josie or i wil come to canada to get u
J: i would never hurt her
C: du u still luv josie even tho shes only 13?
J: if she still loves me
J: do you josie?
J: can you please forgive me?
A: maybe...
J: cuz i do still love you
M: u show us the pix tomoroe as promised and maybe we can help u 2 persuade her

I love it. It's got that whole 'hostage-taking' feel to it.

J: ok
J: josie
J: josie
J: please don't be mad at me
J: i'm so sorry for what i did
C: so u admit you lied to her
J: i never lied to her...i pressed the wrong number accidentally

Or you can't read. Or count. Or have been totally caught out.

A: u could hav corrected it...
J: when your on habbo you can't see what you wrote after you send it
J: i didn't even know that i put that
A: i meen on MSN!
J: what?

At this point I accidentally closed the convo. Before I was readded...

M: oh josie maybe he was just careless n overlooked that
M: maybe he's young at <3 :P
J: yea

Hiding behind someone else's words? God.
For added lulz, we all pretended we were off to 'my ex's friends party' and that I was a complete whore around other boys. INSECURITY GALORE!

A: need to go find dat miniskit
J: josie please don't wear a miniskirt to the party
A: y not?
J: cuz that's too sexy...the other boys might try to get something from you

Oh well, JEEZ, JORDAN. Haven't you ever heard the phrase 'sharing is caring'? And besides, aren't you being a tad hypocritical?

K: we'll keep the boys away =P
K: well, at arm's length

This seemed to calm him.
Oh, the group convo needs one more meme.

M: cya kanzar >3

It's not over. Even though he said he was going to bed, IT WAS NOT OVER. He was still trying to make me... ah, just read.

J: i love you josie
A: :$

That's the blushing emoticon, by the way. I've decided that's what I'll do whenever he types 'I love you'.

J: please don't do anything with other boys
A: yea... i no...
J: please
A: but i cant help it if boiz lyke me
J: but you don't have to do stuff with them just cuz they like you

Oh and I suppose that 'right' is reserved for YOU? Nah, I'll pile on the insecurity for you.

A: sum of them r quite hawt tho
J: :(
A: i will be faitfulll to u tho
A: i promiz
J: ok i love you

And that was pretty much it. Or is it? There's another. Yes, as I sit here, typing this up, I'm talking to him. See above now, if you're not sick of this yet.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007 09:50 a.m.

It's here

The Smash Bros Brawl website is finally open!!

Monday, May 21, 2007 05:14 p.m.


I was feeling giggly and bored last night. So I ventured with Chib into the realm of Habbo Hotel, pretending to be 13 and 16 respectively. Bad spelling, grammar and general dumbness galore.

We pretended to be lesbians for a while and scared 2 people away

Then Chib left, because to quote her, "it's way too painful". But I ventured on, into a guest room known as 'Find Love' (or something to that effect). Boy, oh boy.

I met a guy, who eventually 'convinced' me to get MSN. I made a new address for this momentous occasion, and to convince him that I was who I really actually was not. Here, have a chatlog. With bonus commentary.

Me (M): hey!
Jordan (J): hey
J: got a pic of you?

Ooh, the ol' 'picture swap'. A must if you are dating over the 'webs. So I treated this as a 'fair enough'. But will I give him a pic?

M: no sry :(
M: cam is broken
J: :(
M: sry bout that
J: it's ok
M: so, what are you into?

I slipped up there. The correct 13 year-old spelling should be "so, wat r u in2?"

J: umm sports, music... stuff like that
M: wat kind of music?
J: every kind
M: me 2!
J: :)

That's a lie, by the way.

M: asl?
J: 13 male canada
J: u?
M: 13/F/aus
J: sweet
M: so wat movies do u liek?
J: too many to list :P
M: it's ok
M: im listenin :)
J: hmm
J: borat

That is probably the only truth about me in the conversation. I did love Borat, except I probably would not have expressed my affection for it as above.

J: :)
J: high school musical
M: that movie was kool 2

Never seen it. Never want to.

J: what movies u like?
M: ummmmmm

I don't know WHAT movies 13 year-old girls watch at all. Shit. He had me cornered. Good one, Jordan.
But! I pull this one out of my ass:

M: the notebook was cute :)

Because that is the one movie every single 13 year-old girl loves.

J: yea i like that


M: and coyote ugly
J: lol yea
M: so ur nmae is jordan, huh?
J: yep what's urs?


M: josie :)
J: that's cute
M: :$ rly?
J: yea
J: i like it
M: aww
M: u r sweet
J: :)

Amp up the hope.

J: so describe urself

That's the big one right there. So my mind races. Obviously, I have to be blonde, given my personality.

M: ummm im blonde
M: wif brown eyes
M: u?

He completely ignores me and is eager to know moar.

J: how tall are you?
M: 150cm
J: how tall is that in feet?
M: umm i dunno
J: lol ok
J: how much do you weigh?

What the hell? Isn't that a little too much info to indulge in? But Josie spills the beans.

M: 40kg
M: i think im gettin fat tho lol
J: yea right
J: 40kg is fit

Ok, just imagine that everything said before was in a stereotypical American Teenage girl accent. Now imagine the next line in a scholarly English accent.

M: I think it's because of my metabolism. Mother always said I was extremely fit.

I gave him a chance to realise that he wasn't speaking to a completely retarded 13 year-old girl. (BTW, they're all retarded.) But he did not take that chance.

J: well that's good
J: i like my girlfriend to be fit

excuse me wtf r u doin

M: lol ok
J: i need to see a pic of you though

Actually. It's about 16 hours after this has happened and I'm wondering more and more if he's NOT a 13 year-old boy. He seems extremely insistent on knowing what I look like and seeing a pic.

M: but my cams brken :(
J: get another one

M: i cant
M: no money
J: :(
J: get a friend to take some pics of you and tell them to send them to your computer

See! I-N-S-I-S-T-E-N-T!

M: ill try
J: thanks :)
M: np, sweetie :)
J: guess what
M: wat?
J: i love you

Honestly, at this point, I just cracked up. I just sat there and laughed for about 5 minutes before wondering if I should reveal that this was all a big joke.

J: huh?
M: i win!
J: win what?

Reveal myself? NAH.

M: ur heart (L)
J: aww that's so cute
J: i have to go but i'll be back pretty soon
M: i hav to go to bed now :(
J: what time is it there?
M: 10.15
J: pm????

Guess, moron. But I'll humour you.

J: that makes no sense lol
M: yes it does! :(
J: why are you going to bed at 10:15am?
M: because i was out all night


J: i se
J: see**
J: alright well i'll talk to you when ur on next
J: love you sweety
J: bye

One more time, baby.

J: do i win your heart?
M: maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe~

Alternative answer, courtesy of Chib: NO YOU CAN WIN MY PENIS

J: well we'll find out next time
J: i have to go now

Epic lulz. So, what's next? I could either completely ignore him, or I could take a picture of myself and send it to him. "HEY, I GAINED WEIGHT AND TURNED ASIAN DURING THE NIGHT"
Or say "Hey now, sorry. I ain't Josie. I ain't 13. I ain't blonde. And damn The Notebook to hell. And WHAT are you doing 'falling in love' with someone you have known for an hour?"
Or maybe he's a paedophile. Or ALSO a 16 year-old girl!

Remember the 'become a better person' post? I don't think that'll happen yet. Not when there's /b/.

Sunday, May 20, 2007 05:31 p.m.


"The GuroTaku (formerly known as Caterpillar's Nest) website will go permanently offline today. It won't be back in any way shape or form. Hope some of you enjoyed it while it lasted."

"From: DreamHost Abuse/Security Team


We are contacting you regarding your site '', which appears to distribute Japanese 'manga' material.

Can you verify that all content is either A) copyrighted by you, or B) you have received explicit permission from the copyright holder to distribute it? Please note that it's against DreamHost's Terms of Service to distribute copyrighted material without permission from the copyright holder, so if you have not done so we ask that you immediately remove this material and let us know once you have done so.

We look forward to your earliest response. DreamHost Abuse/Security Team"


EDIT: Thank God. Someone's posted a torrent of all the manga Gurotaku hosted.

Saturday, May 19, 2007 03:53 p.m.


It's finally here!

Friday, May 18, 2007 07:55 p.m.

Books, people, do you READ THEM?

Now, I hate reality TV, but this really takes the cake.

Entertainment journal Daily Variety reported that the show - tentatively titled Kids Nation - would observe 40 children aged between eight and 15 as they attempted to adapt to life on their own.

Instead of the desert island setting found in William Golding's best-selling 1954 novel Lord of the Flies, the new show will be set in Bonanza City, a New Mexico ghost town that has been deserted for over a century.

The report said children picked to participate in the show would live without parental supervision and modern comforts.

The aim was to build a functioning society, with children being asked to pass laws, choose leaders and build an economy.

Source: Here

Ok, did the people who came up with the idea for this show actually finish reading Lord of The Flies at all? The point of Lord of The Flies is to show the breakdown of human nature and society. And here they are, throwing kids into the same situation. What the hell.

(Alternatively, you could read my anger as the fact that I love that book to death and that I am angry at them for soiling William Golding's good name by turning the book into a reality TV show.)

Wednesday, May 16, 2007 05:23 p.m.

Mr. Doubt and Mr. Certain

This has got to be the funniest thing I've seen all week. Damn, Nintendo.

I found an interesting article via Kotaku on why artistic vision doesn't sell videogames. Mostly concerned with the fall of Capcom's Clover Division. Vision Doesn't Sell Copies

It's tragic, but it's true. I've never been in a game shop and seen anyone pick up God Hand, Okami or Viewtiful Joe. (Actually, come to think of it, I've never seen a copy of God Hand other than the one I own.) Something I would like to know is why Clover didn't release Okami on the Wii as well as the PS2. I recall when I first heard about Okami, I remember thinking that it would be wonderful on the Wii, given the brush system and the gameplay. Combat would have a very Wolf-Link feel to it. No, it seems that it wouldn't have been that difficult to simply make the game available on the Wii. A port, perhaps?

The Super Smash Brothers Brawl website opens in 6 days, admist rumours of a Cube version. Here I am still wondering how the hell they're going to make use of the Wiimote's inovation in the game. This could easily fail.

Borrowed Kelly's DS Lite (for Nintendo still haven't sent mine back) so I have an opportunity to play Castlevania: PoR and Elite Beat Agents. Mini Reviews:

Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin
Graphics: Looks pretty damn good. Recycled sprites, but who cares if they all flow nicely?
Gameplay: Plays pretty damn well. Apart from the standard jump-jump-slash, the partner system handles effectively. It's easy to get into.
Sound: Sounds pretty damn awesome. The voices made me wince the first time I heard them, but they're actually ok. The music, like all Castlevania games, is excellent. On the hunt for the OST.
Other: I like the difficulty level of this game. It's not easy, but it's not mind-numbingly difficult. Hopefully it'll get more and more challenging as I go.

Elite Beat Agents
Graphics: The comic-book feel is very authentic and the art is bold. I thought the dancing models of the agents as you play look pretty raw and rough, though.
Gameplay: Sweet stuff. Like all rhythm-action games, you have to get a feel for the beat. The game gets you into the mood though, and in turn, you can really feel the innovation and really enjoy the game.
Sound: I'm a little unhappy with the songs, but they managed to translate these into the game rather well. All the songs are covers, which means you don't need to hear Avril Lavigne's voice squwak out Sk8r Boi.
Other: The concept of the game... is so cool...

No news on MPO.

Monday, May 14, 2007 10:50 a.m.

Happy Belated Birthday, Minda!

For I did not make another post on the 11th.

And alas - MPO has been bumped YET AGAIn. This time to the 16th. "Alright then," I said on the 12th, "I'm sure I have enough patience to wait 4 more days."

Also on the 12th - The Ball. I think I would've had more fun if I had brought a man-friend (I did not end up bringing a cardboard cutout of Snake. BUT I did take a picture and reflected on my shiny bag was what looked like a snake's head! Upload it when I get home). But my parents had a good time, so it was all ok, really. Still, it was rather annoying when wherever I looked, I saw couples making out.

Six weeks late, but I just listened to Ryan Payton's interview with David Hayter. Interesting MGS4 speculation aside, I have to say that I'm anticipating David's new movies. And about a month late, but exciting nevertheless - Project S is indeed Snatcher!

Friday, May 11, 2007 2:18 a.m.

Haha, oh crap

Found one of my old notebooks from approximately 5 years ago. My God, the atrocities. I cannot spell. Check it out. Spelling errors are on the right.

Summary = Summery
Orientation = Orintation
Right = Rite
Exception = Exeption
Species = Specie
And the classic... They're = Their

And oh wow, a shitty Shadow Raiders fanfic idea. I am grateful I only wrote a page and gave up after that. To give you an idea of how terrible it is, here's the plot 'summery'. Word for word. Bonus sporking!

Graveheart gets killed in a battle against Blokk.

Oh man. Now, Graveheart's had several close calls, but the chances of him actually DYING in a battle against Blokk always seemed fairly low to me.

Everybody is really sad. (Okay, 'sad' isn't the word)

... Well, yeah. Obviously. I mean, it's GRAVEHEART we speak of. Everyone WOULD be sad. Way to go, Captain Obvious.

But then Cryos realises that another planet, Planet Spirit. They still have Graveheart's body, so all they need is his spirit.

... What?
Secondly, if there's one thing that I've learnt about fanfiction, it's that you never EVER EVER randomly introduce new locations. It's dumb. See, the whole concept of Planet Spirit is that it's where all the souls go. Fat chance. I'm pretty sure they just... disintegrate. And such.

In the end, Jade and Pyrus go, because Jade likes Graveheart and cos Graveheart is Pyrus's [sic] really close friends.

So according to above sentence, Pyrus is more than one person.
And once again, above concept is incredibly stupid. You'd think that they'd bring Tekla or Cryos or someone who is reasonably level-headed, but no. And Tekla had a thing for Graveheart. Not to mention Cryos is also a really close friend.

Unfortunately, the Beast Planet is on direct course to Planet Spirit.
Bwa ha ha ha ha!

I shit you not, I actually wrote 'Bwa ha ha ha ha!'.

Pyrus and Jade have to retrieve Graveheart's spirit and stop the Beast Planet before it's to [sic] late!!!


So now, watching Ichi The Killer once again. Loving how everyone flinches when Kakihara reaches into his jacket, only to extract his badge. Loving his blonde hair. Loving how giggly he is when he realises that Ichi's nearby, that the showdown's coming.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007 02:16 a.m.


- For some reason, when playing Zuma, the words that come to mind are 'campy humour'. Don't ask why. Maybe it was because I was reading a God Hand review earlier.

- If you want to scare me into buying you a birthday present, take me to see paintings of hell and tell me that I will go there if I don't buy you one.

Seriously though, I went to see the Paintings of Hell exhibit while at Buddha's Birthday Festival the day before yesterday. I went in for the artistic value. I came out with an eerie feeling. In short, I'm going to try and be a better person from now on. But the more cynical part of me is counting the days.

Other news: dad and Chip went to Singapore and came back with a whole bag of goodies. Namely:

- Killzone Liberation
- Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin
- Starfox Command
- Elite Beat Agents!
- Battlefield 2142

But the DS is still with Nintendo. And they are slow.

Friday, May 4, 2007 10:00 p.m.

Unrelated note...

If that's a chick then I guess I'm gay.

Part of me is really quite excited about the new Tekken. Another part of me says that all beat-'em-ups are pretty much the same and the new Tekken won't be much different. (Apart from the interactive custom content, that is.) And here's hoping that Forrest and Kunimitsu are back, though.

Friday, May 4, 2007 09:51 p.m.

Two people.

#1: Some people just never get the hint. Look, honestly, why do you THINK I'm annoyed at you? It may be a completely petty reason and I may be a completely petty person, but do you REALLY have to be such a whore all the time? It's these kinds of things that you do that piss EVERYONE off, not just me.
Also, I totally dig how the only time you actually act friendly towards me is when you have an inkling that I dislike you.

#2: Hey, I thought you were a NICE person? You like to construct yourself to seem that way, don't you? Well, in my eyes, it's all fallen apart. First you attack my personal beliefs, then you attack someone who can't help their own misfortune. I'm glad I bit back. People like you really do need a slap in the face every now and again. Every day, maybe.
And man, what a poser you are.

Friday, April 27, 2007 08:28 p.m.

10 Years.

Happy 'Duke-Nukem-Forever-Should-Be-Out-By-Now' Day!

Thursday, April 26, 2007 12:45 p.m.

The Huge All-Nighter

Because Legal sucks, starting Saturday night, I've pulled off one big all-nighter. Basically it involved working three days straight, with minimal sleep in between. (For the record, I wagged about 3 sessions in the library catching up on sleep. Also, the librarians don't care.)

And so, these are the results:

Total hours from the time that I woke up on Saturday to the time I actually got to collapse in bed and have a decent sleep: 83

Total hours of sleep I actually got in this time: 9.5


Sunday, April 22, 2007 01:28 a.m.

Can't sleep, clowns will eat me.

It's the freaking Wyoming Incident again. Fuck it.

So, here are a couple of goodies that BTDO sent me. That his friend made. No More Heroes goodies!


"Maybe a hot chick will say 'HEY! You wanna join the UAA?' and I'll be all like 'YEEEEAH, SURE!' But that won't happen"

They are really quite hilarious. The sad thing is that the guy's voice sounds practically identical to Travis Touchdown's. But on the other hand, I haven't seen the newer version of the first trailer in which they tone down his voice acting. But seriously, Touchdown's voice reminds me of Joey Wheeler (yes, THAT Joey Wheeler) in that he cannot pronounce his T's. 'Dat?' What the HELL, Grasshopper?

Anyway. Late Night + No USB = No Legal. THEREFORE, I will try and make that NMH wallpaper.


Louis/BTDO/Recess says:
also can you precise to your audience that I'm not gay? because of the convo you posted and my b-day present might lead them to think that way rofl

There! NOT GAY!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007 09:34 a.m.

Just posted on the forum

And now, onto a scene from one of my dreams. I woke up from this one going 'Oh man, I wish I could recreate this and see it on a big screen.' I tried remembering my dream and building the entire thing again (to use as a story or something) but it made jack sense. Plus after this particular scene, I don't actually know what happened.

Basically, I had arrived in this small hostel with my family and was having a break. As though it was a movie (and crap, I could actually imagine watching this), I saw this lady walking around the corridors, knocking on doors and introducing herself. She was one of those 'friendly' types, and when she met an old lady (a stereotypical one) and the young woman (fish-crazy, hundreds of fish tanks in her unit), she gave them a teabag and fish food respectively.

Yet the two never questioned her spot-on gifts? Wow.

Anyway, the old lady prepared her tea (which was actually full of a hallucinogen) and she starts hallucinating (naturally) that she's in this field (kind of like the Golden Country in 1984) and she's slowly becoming young and beautiful again. So she strips her old, wrinkled skin off while doing this in real life as well. She's bleeding and bleeding in the real world, and she's obviously going to die. But in her fantasy world, she's feeling no pain, just pure happiness at being youthful again. As her life ebbs away, she lies down and dies with a smile on her face, muscle exposed.

The other lady feeds her fish and there happens to be sodium mixed in with it. Now, sodium is HIGHLY reactive with water and after tipping the fish food into all the fish tanks, the water in them starts bubbling. When she finally realises that something is wrong, it's too late, and the tanks explode The shards puncture her body, and the blood from her shredded corpse mixes with the water and the flapping fish.

That's it, really. Expect more dreams, actually, I've got a whole diary full of them.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007 09:23 p.m.


!ComradePants<< : TOOOOOUCHDOWN! says:
!ComradePants<< : TOOOOOUCHDOWN! says:
i have almost 600 wallpapers for the computer
Ernie 吳 still kill the old way says:
what is up dearest comrade
Ernie 吳 still kill the old way says:
rofl nice nice
!ComradePants<< : TOOOOOUCHDOWN! says:
and i still have trouble choosing a nice one
!ComradePants<< : TOOOOOUCHDOWN! says:
i'm like 'HMM, I DON'T LIKE THIS ONE TOO MUCH' for practically all of them
Ernie 吳 still kill the old way says:

Saturday, April 14, 2007 03:22 p.m.

Things that have happened in the past 2 weeks:

- Skye had her party. It was quite awesome. Awesome with some crazy-ass quotes that were slurred when Em, Skye and I were tipsy.
- I saw Hot Fuzz. I loved how they made fun of Baz Luhrman. Sort of.
- Saw 300 too, but this time with Bob and Em. Xerxes was such a queen. And the whole movie was in slow motion. It was also kind of amusing how when we went to the newsagent and picked up a gay magazine. An article about 300 was in there.
- I fell ill a few days ago, and I think it's been better for me than worse. I've been in hysterics (ask my mother when I almost fainted in the middle of a shop) and as a result, I think my mood has been better. Or maybe I just don't really care about anything at the moment.

Wanting a new blog name.

Sunday, April 1, 2007 08:41 p.m.

I hate Wallmen

Finished Michigan. Holy hell, that was easy.
So I'm on to Silent Hill 4 now, because I'm feeling like I should shower Walter and Henry with vast amounts of love. And also because I feel I should get my ass handed to me. Big time.

Saturday, March 31, 2007 09:23 p.m.

Haven't updated for a while...

For I am lazy and incompetent.
Last week was full of exams, but I still managed to find the time to finish Phoenix Wright 2 (incidentally, I did NOT fail the exam I could have been studying for while playing it, I aced it!).

So people, meet Matt Engarde.
Clicking clicking clicking!

He is the cutest little muffin in the history of Phoenix Wright. Plus he's got this mobile phone which is seperated into two parts which he wears on each of his wrists. CRAZY. I WANT A PHONE LIKE THAT. And really, that is all I can say about him without completely spoiling the game.

So school is over for another term and to celebrate, I went out shopping. A very nice day, for I managed to get my hands on:
- The Silent Hill Movie
- This 5-in-1 Sci-Fi movie pack which has The Fantastic Voyage
- Silent Hill 3
- Silent Hill 4
- Michigan

So now I feel like a complete Silent Hill nerd. BUT FINALLY. SH4. FOR SURE.

I haven't had a chance to play SH3 or 4, but I did have a shot at Michigan. People from the K7 forum? You know what Michigan is. Summed up for others, you are a cameraman who goes to the town of Michigan with a TV crew. Why Michigan? Because crazy shit is happening there. You can either concentrate on said crazy shit and get heaps of 'Suspense' points, or constantly film up the reporters' skirts/their crotches/their boobs and get heaps of 'Erotic' points. And did I mention you can watch people die and get 'Immoral' points?

So, my two cents so far. It's an interesting concept, and GHM managed to pull it off well. Pokemon Snap this ain't. The graphics are pretty slack though, not to mention the loading menus and the presentation of the game's packaging looks cheap. (Incidentally, the Euro version of Michigan was distributed by the same guys who distributed Guncom 2, a bad game with even worse packaging.) But hey, at least the booklet's in colour! (Damn you Capcom, damn you!)

The PS3 was also released last week and Sarsh managed to get her hands on one. So today I toddled off to her place to test it out. Too bad she couldn't find her copy of Resistance, which was really the only game I wanted to play. So I ended up giving Genji a shot.

Folks, the reviews are true. That's all I have to say.

I got her to order a COMPLETE SET of Shadow Raiders DVDs as well so now they are officially in my hands. And apparently the show has sexual references. I did not know that. But it should be a grand adventure, for I love the show to bits and have not actually seen the first season! I've been living off the half of the second season that I taped when they aired it for the first and last time in 2001. (The tape which the rest of the season was on died.)

Holidays. There're bound to be more updates, right?

Monday, March 19, 2007 06:28 p.m.


First thing's first. Jet and I have broken up. It was a mutual thing and we decided the relationship felt more like friendship anyway.
Anyway, exams. Fucking cock shit damn maths. And this time I'm not afraid to say that I completely and utterly fucked that one up.

Yeah, I know you've seen it, dude.

And there's a new trailer for No More Heroes. Fantastic. SLICING PEOPLE IN HALF. The new way to go!

Tuesday, March 6, 2007 03:06 p.m.

I don't suppose anyone else would want this...

From Wikipedia:

A Shoggoth on the Roof is a parody musical of Fiddler on the Roof based on the works of H.P. Lovecraft. Published by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society [1], it was purportedly written by a member of the society who was later institutionalised, and who is referred to as "He Who (for legal reasons) Must Not Be Named" in the libretto and on the cast album.

I uploaded this for Jet, maybe someone else wants it too?

Hosted with Rapidshare

Monday, February 19, 2007 05:13 p.m.

The things that can happen in two weeks...

Well, last Monday I was talking to Chib and somewhere along the line dared myself to ask Jetora to be my Valentine. So the faithful day arrived and I summoned all my courage to put forward an awesome MGS valentine that I found about 9 months back... and received a Star Wars valentine in return (STORMTROOPERS. I LOVE STORMTROOPERS. Seriously, this guy can read my mind). Long and short of it, we're together now. He and I have so much in common that it's creepy.

Chip has MGS2: Substance for the PC. It is rather good, despite the graphical glitches here and there.


Reading: none
Listening: none
Mood: Tickled
Writing: TF Drabbles
Thinking: Oh God my ribs
Hating: The Retard Squad / The remainder of school
Gaming: Morrowind / ZOE


Alexiel's Blog

Felicia's blog

Illumi's blog

Sloth's blog

Killua/Pride's blog

Kiasyn's blog

Jedilink's Myspace

Akushitsu's Myspace

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Jet's Site

Melinda's DA

Kitty's DA

Sqwuib's LJ

Amidoh's LJ

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